I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
