Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
