It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
