just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
