You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
