he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
