SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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