Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Randomize
