i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize