you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
