and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize