I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Randomize
