you would pick up someone in the library
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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