That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
