I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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