Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
