The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
