Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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