And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Randomize
