You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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