Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i just google imaged poop.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
