I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize