I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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