coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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