remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
