I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
