im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
