1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
