Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
We're not piercing ourselves today.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
