You're completely useless in the revolution.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
