I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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