You work out of a Hotel?
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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