Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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