I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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