I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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