If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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