He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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