her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
