i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
