I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize