I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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