i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
