You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Randomize
