I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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