Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
