I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm gonna fight the coyote
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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