I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
