Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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