So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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