So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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