he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
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