i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
We had sex on a dog bed..
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
