Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
My bed is full of blood and feathers
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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