I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
