I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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