I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize