We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
