Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
