i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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