So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
