Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
