i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
