conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
