oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
