dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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