can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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