I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize