I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
