The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
