Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Just cropdusted the office
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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