I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
