Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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