giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
They are going to name an STD after you.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
