Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
