Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
