So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
