gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize