I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
