why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
