is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
