i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
