Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize