I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
