I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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