My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize
