Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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