so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
