You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
