Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
