You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
