you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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