I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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