There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize