Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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