He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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