What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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