I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm like, not good at living.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
