I think I won the penis lottery.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
