Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Randomize