i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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