Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
