Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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