I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
