No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
