Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
